I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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