capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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