I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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