Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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