If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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