I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am available for nakedness
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize