Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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