I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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