ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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