i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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