This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
try to milk me bitch
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