I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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