im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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