i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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