Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize