What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
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walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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