Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize