Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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