looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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