im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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