How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im part way to drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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