Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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