Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize