So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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