I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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