I am puke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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