toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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