i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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