Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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