Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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