So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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