Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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