I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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