You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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