FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize