guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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