I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize