you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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