I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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