She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize