hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Acid is not a monday night drug
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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