That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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