Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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