Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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