I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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