I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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