Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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