I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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