I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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