I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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